How do they sell this car new?

"Eric @ opposite-lock.com" (theyrerolling) 10/04/2015 at 03:43 • Filed to: Vacation, car reviews

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So, my vacation has been officially partially ruined. When I arrived, with a reservation for a compact car, they told me they were out of cars, in spite of being a Hertz #1 Gold member and having reserved 6 weeks ago (usually it is in a special spot close to the door all ready when I arrive). So they hunt around and find my reservation (which I made through their site and this was a corporate location). They give me the saddest car they have, claiming it is a “compact”: A Chevy Spark. I insist that it isn’t a compact. It isn’t even a subcompact. It’s a “city car”, “supermini”, or “European A-segment”. She didn’t know a damn thing about cars after downgrading me a full two classes, and I am still somewhat pissed. I’ll be contacting corporate about this one.

So we accepted our fate as they insisted they had no other cars. We went up to pack stuff in it, finding it had barely enough room for the roller bag we have in the back and the rest of the bags we just piled in the back seat. Getting in, we were far from enthusiastic. I was familiar with the model because a coworker formerly owned one, but my girlfriend had never seen one up close, and her initial reaction was, “This is a car? Where is my armrest?”.

How does it drive? Like an old Korean shitbox with somewhat better handling and less power, if that’s possible. It’s also a little like a golf cart. In corners it has similar body roll to a 1970s full-size American car, but it isn’t cushy, with incredibly little suspension travel (jarring, to say the least). The engine note is argumentative, like it is grumbling about being forced to transport us around, like a crotchety old man. It downshifts to get up small hills while slowing down and complaining. Driving over about 35mph feels like you’re bucking a stiff headwind, even with a tail wind. The only upside I have is that it doesn’t push quite as bad as I would expect. In a city, it would probably feel decently-nimble.

Appearance? I feel as though the driving experience, which my girlfriend is having vicariously through me because we don’t want to pay the underage surcharge, is coloring our opinion more than the actual car. However, as noted elsewhere, it is quite disproportionate. They did a good job with packaging, though, and I still find the rear door handles a highlight of the design.

Ergonomics? There are park benches I’d rather sit on for hours over these. They are possibly the worst seats I have ever encountered. Little padding and little adjustment available. The infotainment system is very usable and pretty easy to figure out. Remarkably responsive, to boot. As I have noted in other examples of this car, this is a cup holder lover’s dream. There are more cup holders with more size variety than I have seen in any other car.

All this said, this car is awful. In 1995 people would have been reluctant to buy a new economy car this terrible even if it was dirt cheap. Not only is it 20 years later, but this car is not dirt cheap. I thought the Sonic was bad, but at least it was a competitive value. Not so with the Spark. Even the fuel economy is sad; you could get so much better for similar scratch. Hell, you could buy a real car.

Every time we get in it, all we do is rag on how awful it is. We also discussed how, if we had a teenager and could get one with a warranty for under 4k, we’d give them this car to keep them from getting into any trouble (speeding, burning out, parallel parking, sex in the back seat, etc) since It would suck the joy out of driving for someone that really shouldn’t be joyful behind the wheel yet. Today my girlfriend described it as a, “clown car that isn’t funny”, and now simply refers to it as, “the clown car”.

Our question is: What purpose does this car serve? Who actually buys these things? A Fiat 500 is better. A Smart Fortwo is distinctly better. B-segment cars can be purchased at about the same price. It’s ugly, small, uncomfortable, dangerously-slow, and doesn’t even drive well. Is there still that much GM loyalty remaining among some group of buyers of mini cars? Don’t the Japanese and (to a lesser extent) Europeans own this market? This car boggles our minds.

for Michigan > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 03:54

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Enterprise did the same thing to my mom when she rented a car for a ~300-mile round trip that included a lot of freeway driving. She was not amused.

Having put several hours (40-ish?) behind the wheel of a different Spark, I can say that your description is spot on. It is the most awful car I have ever driven.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 04:49

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yep , they’re not great.

we sell a few of them here as a Holden

MultiplaOrgasms > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 04:50

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This is one of those cars bought by people who don’t give a shit, like most cars of this size actually. People buy those because they are cheap to buy and to run, are just big enough to sit five people plus shopping, relatively reliable and you get a warranty.

Svend > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 06:08

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Thankfully Chevy aren’t in the U.K. or Europe anymore but we still have the car only it’s been tweaked here and there for the U.K. and Europe and called the Vauxhall Viva/Opel Karl.

BJ > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 06:40

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Can’t you call them back on the hour, every hour, to make a complaint and ask to upgraded back up to a better car, even from a different location? Squeaky wheel gets the grease, as they say.

LongbowMkII > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 06:51

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for the same price you can easily get a optioned CPO Cruze if you have to get a chevy compact.

Jayhawk Jake > Svend 10/04/2015 at 06:52

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2016 Spark is a rebadged Karl

Svend > Jayhawk Jake 10/04/2015 at 07:01

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and/or Viva. Karl is named after Adam Opel’s son Carl, the U.K. doesn’t have Opel so they revived an old name from the sixties and seventies.

I hope Opel don’t start calling the other cars after the other four sons Wilhelm, Heinrich, Ludwig and Friedrich.

Svend > pip bip - choose Corrour 10/04/2015 at 07:17

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I read somewhere that the Holden Barina Spark name will be getting changed to the Holden Viva in Oz when the new model comes out.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Svend 10/04/2015 at 07:21

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haven’t heard that one , but that does seem correct , as they’ll phase out the Barina Spark and import the Opel Karl/Vauxhall Viva.

jester74 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 07:23

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I am completely serious in saying as soon as I sat in the car for a test drive I said “There’s no armrest, I’m not buying this car”.

Svend > pip bip - choose Corrour 10/04/2015 at 07:31

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I suppose they chose the name Viva over Karl because up until recently Holden used the name Viva on some other rebadged car.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Svend 10/04/2015 at 07:36

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please don’t remind me of the Lacetti/Viva

*shudder*

Svend > pip bip - choose Corrour 10/04/2015 at 07:39

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We had it as the Daewoo Lacetti. It was very bland. Thankfully Daewoo died off in the U.K. and Europe and so has Chevy as of a year or so ago.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Svend 10/04/2015 at 07:41

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we had the Lacetti here for only one year , then Daewoo was killed off , then it returned 2 years later as the Holden Viva

Svend > pip bip - choose Corrour 10/04/2015 at 07:44

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I can’t remember how long we had it as it was never a car I took any interest in but the Daewoos were cheap as chips compared to the rest of what was on offer.

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 07:46

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Side note: you better go complain to corporate about this experience. You shouldn’t have had to paid for that car.

jkm7680 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 08:27

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Nobody buys them except rental car companies.

Klaus Schmoll > Svend 10/04/2015 at 08:31

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But that would make for such a nice conversation piece. “What do you drive?” “A Heinrich!”

Klaus Schmoll > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 08:37

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Hertz downgraded me when I rented a van for moving day last month. Instead of a looooooooong Sprinter or similar they gave me a shorter one. I sent them a very harsh e-mail, also complaining about the state of the vehicle. Days later they replied that this was what they charged me for and that there is nothing they can do about it now, but they gave me a 75 Euro rebate for the vehicle not being up their standards. (rust and dents all over, noisy brakes, blinking oil light, tires that had kissed the curb a bit too often...)

Jayvincent > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 08:49

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If it wasn’t a company policy, I'd never ever rent from H-z. Even the cheapest budget car rental companies are more friendly and honest about their craptastic car choices. Having said that, when H-z sticks you with a lemon, I'd say make lemonade and bring them back nothing but the pulp. Can you say full insurance waiver? /s

Jayvincent > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 08:57

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And if you think the Spark is bad with body roll, I test drove a mid-2000s Aveo once and I had to stop resting my elbow on the door sill for fear of road rash when cornering. It rode like a 1960s baby buggy, all springs and bouncy even on the flat and straight. It cornered like a supercarrier on fleet trials. I could go on...

mazda616 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 09:07

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Around here, I see quite a few of these. Which is odd, because I live in a fairly rural area. Even more odd is the fact that they are ALL driven by old people. Seriously. Nearly every Spark around here has a little old couple driving it. Usually they’re at least in their 70s or 80s. Maybe because it’s easy to park? I don’t know. I saw one on I-65 once and imagined that’d be a pretty scary experience. Can’t fathom what semi-truck crosswinds would do to this thing.

Tohru > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 09:13

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How they sell that car new:

1. Put it out on the lot and wait for blind people to come in.

2. Push it as an alternative for people who can’t get a loan for a base-model Cruze.

3. Pawn them off on rental companies.

Probenja > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 09:39

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That is probably the worst looking place for a license plate I have seen in a while.

Tom McParland > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 10:05

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Just be glad you didn’t have to drive this Spark -

I rented one of these in S. America back in ‘08. Then drove three hours on sketchy mountain roads from Quito to Banos. No power steering. It rattled like crazy above 50mph, and the most rubbery 5-speed manual I’ve ever driven. Now imagine going down a two lane mtn road; you are stuck behind an old trucks overflowing with chickens or produce or whatever. You can’t stay behind the trucks because the trip will take 6 hours. You have to pass them. You decide to pass. The only way to maximise all 60 (or so) hp is to wait until you are going downhill, get right up on the truck’s bumper, peek out to see any oncoming traffic, drop to 3rd gear, floor it, and pray.

At least it’s truth in advertising...because a “spark” is all the power it has.

Worst. Car. Ever

ly2v8-Brian > Jayhawk Jake 10/04/2015 at 10:15

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That is a good looking tiny car.

Naughty0ne > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 10:55

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It’s a typical GM pos that people are dumb enough to buy. Why be surprised by this. They have been building non-competitive garbage for years. But idiots keep buying them new or find them 2 years old at a used car dealership for cheap and think they are getting a deal. I now refuse to help friends work on their GM shit boxes. Plastic screws and pot metal starters have driven me insane.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 11:32

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Latest comment: “This car is a self-propelled contraceptive.”

Vicente Esteve > Tom McParland 10/04/2015 at 11:37

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They still sell these in Mexico for, get ready, $6,200!

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Svend 10/04/2015 at 11:55

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Daewoo was purchased by GM and renamed “GM Korea”. The Chevy Sonic replaced the Aveo; this is a new class in the US for GM.

Übel > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 12:09

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I just sold some a pair of 12”subwoofers in a full sized box to a girl who had one of these she wanted to put them in. We had to put them in the back seat because there wasn’t room in the trunk. I’m not sure what her plan is.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > MultiplaOrgasms 10/04/2015 at 12:42

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I’m not so sure. They’re rare, so they clearly don’t resonate with many people. The thing is that they don’t fill any niche we can identify. If you want fuel economy, this doesn’t deliver (most compacts yield the same, if not better, with a lot more space while hybrids deliver a lot more). If you need small, there are far better cars in the price range. It is enigmatically lacking in redeeming qualities. The only person I know that owned one decided to trade it in for a mid-sized car and a motorcycle because it wasn't as good as either.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 12:49

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this car does have a purpose. it’s putting around a city like new York. If I lived in a place such as new York...

well, I’d be taking the subway, and would keep my car in jersey, but you get the point, right? :P

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Tom McParland 10/04/2015 at 12:50

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There's a similar problem with this Spark: You can't pass anyone without more distance than the length of just about any passing lane. If I wasn't in the PNW where 55-60 mph speed limits are common, I doubt I would be able to even merge onto a freeway safely.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 13:21

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I hate when rental car companies downgrade you even if you book months ahead.

BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 14:57

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This sounds like a perfect opportunity to pull out the rental car scene from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

I guess four wheels and a seat may be over-simplifying somewhat... and in Chevy Spark’s case... truly suck.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > mazda616 10/04/2015 at 17:14

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GM retirees? I mean, on a fixed income you go cheap, but there are so many better cars for less that are just as small, if not smaller.

It is, however, insanely easy to park.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 10/04/2015 at 17:22

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Good points here. There are a few places it would make sense of you absolutely insisted on owning a car, but in every one of these cases I can think of in this country, you’d be better off using public transit and renting a decent car when you left the area. You’d need to live somewhere you never needed to surpass 45mph.

Now, outside the US, particularly in Asia, there are many places it would make sense.

But then you come back to the fact that you could also get a far better car for about the same price...

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Vicente Esteve 10/04/2015 at 17:24

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Now, if this car was 5-6k new, I could see the appeal...

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 10/04/2015 at 17:25

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It was because they screwed up and weren't accepting responsibility. Shit will rain down when I get back.

Vicente Esteve > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/04/2015 at 20:32

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$6,200 new for a Matiz. Your call.

greasemonkey235097 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/11/2015 at 14:21

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You people think this is bad, i rented a previous generation Spark in Colombia to travel outside the city, all mountain roads, the plus, it was a stick, driver side only air bag, no power steering, power windows only in the front, i found it simple, fun, but $50 a day, i felt ripped off.

greasemonkey235097 > Vicente Esteve 10/11/2015 at 14:23

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For $6200 and warranty, ill take it!

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Probenja 10/12/2015 at 12:21

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As a funny aside, that grille appeared to be there purely for appearances/design. Giant fake black grilles are trendy.

muttons > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 11/05/2015 at 09:58

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You know, first gen Ford Fiestas had no armrest. I had a huge problem with this, and then I bought one. I can honestly say that I don’t miss it, and I had a Focus before, with an armrest. I certainly don’t ever worry about banging my elbow on anything. Newer Fiestas got a very nice console armrest added, and i can’t say I’m not a little jealous. But it isn’t the deal breaker I thought it would be. That, and the Fiesta is about 10 times the car a spark is. And it has normal sized headlamps.

LJ909 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 11/19/2015 at 13:08

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You know, tons of people buy these. At least here in Southern California. I see at least 5 a day. If not more. I’m not talking about base ones either. The ones I see are always loaded. I’m talking 2LT with Mylink and leather color coordinated seats that match the exterior. Its crazy because those things are like 17 grand, which makes me thing why didn’t they just get a Sonic, or Cruze?

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 12/17/2015 at 00:32

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All I could think of while reading this, was this.